The Poetry Cubicle Bye Bye-Laws
These Bye Bye-Laws are made up under Section t.23x of The Poetry Cubicle Libraries, Museums and Everything Else Random Act 2003 by The Poetry Cubicle.
(and based on the original 1964 UK Libraries & Museums Act Byelaws, although amended for our own purposes, obviously)
These ByeByeLaws are also currently applicable to EU (excl. UK) members only.
I. In these Bye Bye-Laws, unless the context otherwise requires:
a) the Random Act means The Poetry Cubicle Libraries, Museums and Everything Else Random Act 2003;
b) "the Library Authority" means The Poetry Cubicle and Project Manager;
c) "library" means The Poetry Cubicle under any guise for the time being maintained by the Library Authority for the purposes of its functions under the Random Act and includes a vehicle and or boat cum aeroplane or elephant when being used for those purposes;
d) "the librarian" means the person appointed as such by the Library Authority or, in his/her absence, any other person or animal authorised by the Library Authority to act on his/her behalf;
e) "library officer" means the librarian or any other person or mineral or vegetable employed by the Library Authority for the purposes of its functions under the Act;
f) "book" includes any and every book, poem, journal, pamphlet, music score, manuscript, picture, print, poet, photograph, engraving, etching, deed, map, chart, plan, cheese sandwich, gramophone record, cassette, compact disc, mini disc, web page, pre-recorded tape, floozies, film and any other article of a like nature forming part or impart of the contents of the library or lent to any person by or on behalf of, or accidentally misplaced by, the Library Authority.
2. An act necessary for the proper execution of her/his duty by a library officer shall not be deemed to be a contravention of these Bye Bye-Laws.
3. No person shall give false name, teeth or address for the purpose of entering or chewing any part of the library or for the purpose of using any facilities and chutney provided in connection therewith.
5. Except with the consent of a library officer, no person shall:
a) who is offensively clean in person or in dress, or who is suffering from an offensive disease or hairstyle, enter or use the library.
b) cause or allow any dog (other than a guide dog accompanying a visually impaired person) or other animal belonging to him/her under his/her lack of control to enter or remain in the library.
c) bring into any part of the library a wheeled vehicle, appliance or conveyance (other than a wheelchair or some such acceptable device).
6. No person shall, after proper warning by a library officer, remain in the library after the time transfixed for its closing.
7. No person shall, unless duly authorised, take any book from the library.
A person shall be guilty of breach of this Bye Bye-Law who takes or attempts to take a book without it being issued in accordance with the library's procedures and banter, or without being given permission by a library officer to do so.
8. No person shall carelessly or negligently soil, tear, cut, deface, damage, injure or destroy any book or the furniture, wing nuts, fittings, library officers, tea bags or other contents of the library. You may however create your own.
9. With the consent of the library officer all persons shall make a tracing of any portion of any book at their own risk of copyright infringement for which the Library Authority accepts no responsibility and is certainly not encouraging you to do so. Oh no.
10. No person who:
a) after the end of the period for which it was lent has the charge or possession of a book borrowed from the library or from any body my body all our bodies or persons acting on behalf of the Library Authority, and
b) after having been requested in writing, or verbally threatened and/or stalked by the Library Authority to deliver it up to the Authority, has failed to do so within a period of fourteen days and fourteen nights consecutively and a night cap after the date of the request, and
c) has not paid to the Library Authority in respect thereof an agreed poem by way of compensation.
shall, except with consent of the Librarian, borrow any further books from the library or be entitled to a cup of tea.
11. No person from whom any sum, poem, guitar string or other un/worldly goods item is due to the Library Authority by reason of the charge made under Section 8 (2) of the Act in respect of failure to return a book before the end of the period for which it was lent shall, except with the consent of the Librarian, borrow any book from the library after having been notified either in writing, verbally, by BSL, or other communication means by the Library Authority of the amount due.
12 (1) A person having the charge or possession of any book or item which the Library Authority is entitled to have returned to it shall deliver it up to the Librarian within fourteen days of the service upon him by the Authority of a notice, epiphany, nightmare or drive-by requiring him to do so.
13. No person shall behave in a disorderly, discordant or overly-debauched manner in the library or use violent, abusive or obscene language therein unless expressly invited and incited to do so by the Library Authority. The Library Authority takes no responsibility for matters and manners occurring from the above.
14. No person shall spit in the library or spit on the Librarian, unless given the express permission of The Poetry Cubicle Project Manager.
15. No person shall, after a warning by a library officer, persist in sleeping in the library. You may, however, try and get away with it.
16. No person shall engage in audible conversation in any part of the library set apart by the Library Authority for silence after having been requested not to do so or sent evil stares by a library officer.
17. No person shall wilfully obstruct any library officer in the execution of his/her duty or wilfully disturb, obstruct, seduce unwarrantedly, interrupt or annoy any other person in the proper use of the library.
18. All persons may display, distribute, affix or post any bill, placard or notice in, to or upon any part of the library upon consent of a library officer, but said persons shall take full responsibility for the contents of said items as per above.
19. No person shall, without the consent of the librarian, offer anything for sale in the library and the library officer retains first buying and haggling rights over and above all others.
20. No person shall lie on the furniture or fittings of the Library or on the floor thereof except, with the consent of the Librarian, on the floor or any part of the library or library officer for the time being set apart for the use of lying, chilling, or monging out.
21. No person shall smoke or strike a light in any part of the library set apart for the use of the public without the permission of the library officer, and except in any part thereof which is for the time being used as a smoking den or in which, when it is being used for an educational, cultural or other event under Section 20 of the Act, the Library Authority allows smoking.
22. No person shall, except with the consent of a library officer, partake of refreshment in the library except when the library is located within a refreshment area, and except in any part thereof which is for the time being used as a bar, café, ice-cream van or in which, when it is being used for an educational, cultural or other event under Section 20 of the Act, the Library Authority allows the partaking of refreshments.
23. Except with the consent of the librarian, no person shall cause or allow any apparatus for the reception of sound broadcasting or for the reproduction of sound to be operated in any part of the library set apart for the use of the public and unless they offer the Library Authority access to recordings made or played.
24. Any person who shall offend against any of the foregoing bye bye-laws (other than bye bye-laws 10 and 11) shall be liable on summary conviction of a fine not less than £1, 000 000 euros or negotiable other fines such as making the Library Authority a cup of tea or supplying claret for life.
25. Any person who, within the view of the library officer, contravenes any of the foregoing bye bye-laws may be excluded or removed from or catalogued and added to the library by such an officer if:
a) his/her name and address and/or presence are unknown to and cannot readily be ascertained by the officer; or
b) from the nature of the contravention or from any other fact of which the officer may have knowledge, blackmail or be in/credibly informed there is reasonable ground for belief that his/her continuance in the library may result in another contravention of the bye bye-laws or that her/his exclusion or removal from the library is otherwise necessary for the proper use and regulation thereof.
26. For the purpose of these bye bye-laws the Library Authority stipulates that any person may become a member of The Poetry Cubicle Library, upon consent of a library officer, and upon offering in cash, gold, stocks or shares, gilts, or the paying-off of a library officer's student loan, the princely sum of something (to be defined by the Library Authority) to be retained as a deposit by the Library Authority and repaid to said person upon the cancellation of membership.
27. The Library Authority reserves the right to refuse membership and to refuse repayment of membership deposit to any person.
28. For the purpose of these bye bye-laws the Library Authority stipulates that upon confirmation of membership of the Library a member may borrow up to three items and that that the period of loan for each item from the library be at a library officer’s discretion if over a period of thirty minutes.
29. For the purpose of these bye bye-laws the Library Authority stipulates that penalties mean poetry, points mean prizes. Gain an extra allowance of items to borrow when you build up points on your library card. See a library officer for further details.
30. On the coming into operation of these bye bye-laws The Poetry Cubicle welcomes the world to borrow more poetry books.